Working with my fear

2/1/2025

Surviving the trump administration, A Daily Thread. Episode 10: Working with my Fear

It’s important to do things that scare us - things we’re not inherently good at - things we’ve never tried before.

Also, this practice brings me face to face with a part of me that is really REALLY afraid of judgment and failure. For much of my life, I tried to appease this part by making sure to succeeded at everything! This involved a LOT of pressure, though, as well as sometimes missing out on new experiences out of fear of failure, or intense emotional meltdowns followed by immediate giving up if things didn’t work out as planned.

So, I’ve been working hard to befriend the part of me who shows up and tries to keep me from failing. I’m grateful for this part. She just wants to protect me from embarrassment or disappointment. Thank you, Protector Part.

It’s a process, though. A month ago, I went to a Zumba class - which if you’re not familiar, is a dance class for the purpose of exercise. I had never tried a Zumba class before - because dancing intimidates me!

I knew it would be challenging, but I thought I was prepared. I was wrong!

I found it exceptionally difficult to follow the instructor’s cues, and spent at least half of the class completely lost. And in response, the Part Who Tries to Avoid Failure showed up in a SERIOUS way. I found myself swallowing back tears, and wanted to run away in shame.

I tried to have a little dialogue with this Part in the moment - with some degree of success. Of course I’m aware that nobody gives a shit if I look stupid or can’t do the moves correctly. Nobody else was judging me.

And I was able to find moments of joy, too - joining in the with shouts of “HEY!” by the end.

I’m calling this a win even though I haven’t mustered the courage to go back. Instead, I’ve been going to a step class, which is also challenging but more familiar, since I took step classes in my 20’s.

We can expand. We can try things that are hard or scary. And we can practice being curious and gentle with all the parts of ourselves that show up along the way.

#survivingthetrumpadministration #fightfascism #notmypresident #standupspeakout #strongertogether