Power and Control

1/28/2025

Surviving the trump administration, A Daily Thread. Episode 6: Power and Control

Trigger warning: SA

It’s important for each of us to be investigating and evolving our personal relationship to power and control. This can feel intimidating in the current political climate: it’s easy to look at the administration of extremists and billionaires clamping down on us and feel like we’re powerless, like we’re not the ones in control.

That’s what they want.

I don’t have the step by step solution, but I do know that one of the starting points is related to the Serenity Prayer, famously used in 12-step programs of every variety: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

As long ago as I can remember, I have sought out feelings of orderliness and control. There is a picture of 2-year-old me lining up pinecones in neat rows as my form of play. My mom said that when she would feed me baby food, I would refuse to take the next bite until she had wiped my mouth with a napkin. When I was older, I grappled for control by getting A’s on every assignment. I hated roller coasters. When I learned to drive, I always wanted to be the one driving.

Maybe you relate to some of this, or maybe not – but I guarantee we all have our own internal conscious and subconscious battles with control. We crave control, because it makes us feel safe.

Here’s a darker example: after I was sexually assaulted my senior year of high school, I told myself it was my fault and I could have prevented it; I was ashamed that it had happened, so I didn’t tell anyone about it until YEARS later. I went on with my life as if it wasn’t a big deal.

When I finally talked to a therapist about it almost 15 years later, he said that it’s incredibly common for sexual assault victims to blame themselves as a mechanism of control: if it’s my fault, that transfers the control back to ME.

In fact, I (and every other SA survivor) was NOT in control – but NOT being in control is scary and feels unsafe to us as humans. Thus, we cope by blaming ourselves.

My point is to underscore the importance of how we try to wield power and take control in our lives. Are we consciously aware of the ways we do this? Are there unconscious ways we’re interacting with control that it’s time for us to acknowledge and heal?

Are we using the power we do have in ways that align with our values? If not, can we determine large or small personal action steps we can take to live with more personal integrity? If we each work in this direction, we are part of the solution.

#survivingthetrumpadministration #fightfascism #notmypresident #standupspeakout #strongertogether